


and if i come back, will you have me?

by flosrobur



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, osasuga weekend, we just come to hurt ourselves in this little boat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flosrobur/pseuds/flosrobur
Summary: post break-up osasuga involving an unsent letter
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. the letter

**Author's Note:**

> idk man i have writers block and ive been battling it for osasuga bc i love them too much and we need more content

_ Samu,  _

_ I had a bad day. _

I had a bad day and all I could think about was to come home and tell you about it. The empty kitchen counter reminded me of how home left. It's fine though. I can just imagine you here, as I write through this letter. 

Remember my workmate who kept taking from my bentos? They kept bugging me about how I didn't even have one bento today. I only smiled and joked about how we can share another time. Then they left my desk and I had to step into the school cafeteria. I had not done that for a while. It was nostalgic in a way that I didn't like. 

The children kept asking for the  _ ‘mister onigiri man that sensei liked _ ' and I wanted to be angry. But I smiled, because I couldn't blame the children. I was surprised at my initial reaction, too. People have always told me I was the most patient person they knew, and that's not true. You know that. I'm just good with masking my emotions. So, I smiled at my students and told them mister onigiri man was tired. 

It was only half-true, I never told them you were tired of me.

I wonder how it happened. Did you wake up one day and decided waking up to my head on your chest was much too heavy for you to bear everyday? Was it because I came home early each day but worked too late into the night that we barely talked anymore? Why did we break, Samu?

When I woke up to a cold bed, the closet half-empty, and a letter so legibly written yet the message so hard to understand -- did you hear my heart break from a million miles away? 

Was it worth it, Samu? Because if it is, then that is enough for me. If you find that a weight was lifted off your shoulders, I am happy for you. Only, I never thought I was a burden to you. Which opens up another set of fresh wounds. I thought you told me I brought calm when the storm came. Didn't you tell me I was your home? 

I am happy for you, Samu. I truly am. Didn't I tell you I would always be your number one supporter? I understand you may have been stressed. Quite a lot of stress really, since the shop has been going through different things lately and you've been stressing out about it for a while now. I hear you mutter to yourself at night. I should have dropped work right then and there and gave you more of my time. Helped lessen the load that you've been carrying. But I guess we were both too busy carrying our individual baggages. 

You were never one to ask anyone to help you with the heaviness, anyway. We were similar in that. We joked that our inability to ask for help from others brought ug together. You only ever relied in Atsumu, and I, on Daichi. It is cruel of fate to make it the reason why we fell apart. 

Maybe the silent nights should have been the warning signs. But we did well in silence, Samu. We did great in silence that I thought those were just normal nights. I could have never predicted you would just leave one morning, because I thought we were stable. 

How messed up it is -- for you to leave me like that, your absence painfully obvious -- that after a bad day, I still look for you. I find myself sitting on my desk, ignoring everything else, and writing you a letter. One that you will probably never read anyway. 

If you could come back and answer my questions, maybe I will find a semblance of peace. But for now, I rely on reality to keep me grounded.

_ Yours, _

_ Koushi _


	2. denial & acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are many things that come after a break-up. Most of it stems from complicated emotions and unwanted memories, everything is messy and disappointing and stupid at some point.
> 
> or, Daichi comes to pay Koushi a visit. forcing him to face his emotions.
> 
> osasuga weekend day 2 // free day

There are many things that come after a break-up. Most of it stems from complicated emotions and unwanted memories, everything is messy and disappointing and stupid at some point. Koushi is in too much stress to even  _ think  _ about emotions. He finds ways to distract himself, like preparing extra bentos for his workmates, making lesson plans in advance, and spending all his extra time on checking on his kids and kouhais -- namely, Tobio, Kei, Tadashi, Shoyou, and Hitoka. But even his old teammates are busy these days. So really he feels he has too much time on his hand, and it was very surprising when his doorbell rang on a Friday night when he was thinking about what to do for the weekend. 

A jolt of excitement rushes through Koushi, his heart skipping a beat, a sliver of hope he’s been holding onto comes alive again. A thousand scenarios run through his head. He would have him back, without a doubt he would. Of course, after he explains himself. But if he needed time, Koushi would be okay with going back to normal, to act as if nothing happened. Just please let it be the love of his life. When he opens the door, please let it be-- 

“Dai,” Koushi smiles weakly. Trying hard to hide the disappointment in his voice, “Dai, it’s you! What brings you here?”   
  
Daichi answers with a chuckle, “My best friend senses were tingling.” He raises a brown bag, “I brought take-out.”

“Come in!” Koushi offers as he opens the door wider.

“Isn’t this a bit too empty looking? Where’s Osamu?” Daichi asks with a smile, setting down the bag and turning to Koushi who was closing the door. Koushi’s chin wobbles and his eyes start to water as he turns to face Daichi. There is a pause, a few moments of confused silence, before realization of what happened dawns on Daichi.

Daichi’s reaction is quick, he lets Koushi sit on the couch, wraps him in the fluffiest blanket he could find, and opens the take-out he got before sitting right next to Koushi on the couch.

"Suga, stop holding back," Daichi says when he sees Koushi all red, face scrunched up and looking utterly in pain. Koushi wraps the blanket around him tighter before sobbing into it.

An hour later, Koushi is drinking a glass of water. Hiccuping only after every few minutes and even eating some of the take-out. Daichi thinks he should let him finish his food first before asking about anything. There is comfortable silence, save for the occasional sniffling from Koushi. 

"I don't know what it was," Koushi starts, looking Daichi straight at the eyes, "I refuse to call it a break-up. He didn't say it in the letter. He just packed up and left one morning. God knows I don't want to break it off with him."

Daichi nods in understanding, urging Koushi to continue.

"Which makes it hurt a bit more. Because it feels like I'm holding on to something and I don't know what it is. Like searching for something in a dark room while blindfolded. I'm hanging by the thinnest thread, Dai. Yet I don't want to let go."

"How many days has it been?"

"It's been a month." 

Daichi wants to search the whole city and punch Osamu straight in the face. Yet he realizes that he is not in the position to do reckless things for his best friend. They are adults, but that does not lessen the anger Daichi feels. Nothing excuses what Osamu has done, though the only thing Daichi can do now is to be present for Koushi. So he does just that.

"I know you're angry," Koushi continues with a small smile, "I am, too. But I don't know the full story and I know Osamu. I  _ know  _ him, Dai. So I can forgive him. I  _ will  _ forgive him. Anger doesn't suit me well, anyway. My emotions are just that, emotions."

"I hate how I understand what you're saying." Daichi chuckles softly, "If you've made up your mind about this, then I'll be here to support you. But, Kou, you can let go if you need to, okay? If he doesn't come back and you feel tired of waiting, you can let go. You know that right?"

Koushi only nods, his tear stained face still bright as day, "I know."

"C'mere." Daichi opens his arms, and Koushi snuggles into it. Grateful for the warmth and comfort. 

"Forgot how great your hugs were," Koushi jokes.

"Still can't compete with Asahi's though. Bet Noya is having a great time with him, travelling the world and all," Daichi comments.

"Hey! That gives me an idea!" Koushi parts from Daichi, eyes lighting up, "We should go on a short trip for the summer." 

"Give me time to file for a leave and we're taking Kiyoko and Ryu with us."

"Great! I'm feeling better already." Koushi's eyes crinkle at the sides and Daichi smiles, "I'm going to do the planning and the bookings! All you need to do is pay for your bills when the time comes." 

Koushi is already playful, back to bouncing on his feet, and as much as Daichi wants to revel in the fact that he is slowly going to be okay he can't help but to ask, "Are you doing this to distract yourself?"

Koushi stops, pauses for a while, before giving Daichi another small smile, "And what if it is?" He says, coming clean, "I can do that, right? I can distract myself for a while, with my friends, and spend my money. Because if I wallow in my own heartbreak, what good will it do? How will I be okay if I let myself drown in the fact that I'm willingly hoping for someone to come back with no assurance."

"Okay, good." Daichi sighs, "I'm glad you're aware and not denying it. Your good. I'll let you do this."

"Thanks." Koushi grins, "You're a good friend, Captain."

"Stop calling me that. And I'm a great friend, but it's almost late and I need to get home. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah! I'll be good. Thanks for coming by and checking on me."

"Anytime, Kou."


End file.
